Misunderstood Clowns
by cannibalisticReaper
Summary: My interpretation of sober Gamzee in which things aren't always as they seem.


**I was going to finish up the fifth chapter for Alternia Stuck, but I'm in a sadstuck mood and... I just hate what Hussie made Eridan and Gamzee into... Everyone I loved either became a murderer, got murdered, or both. I guess I'm finally realizing that after so long, and it's hurting my feels, so here's sober Gamzee from MY perspective. I hope you all see him the way I do T-T**

You stagger down desolate hallways and through hollow rooms: clubs in hand and dripping with the miracles of those pathetic moirails. They didn't deserve to be killed at your hands, but you graced them with death regardless. You squint at the walls in the darkness and are suddenly reminded of your hive.

Always dark.

Always empty.

Always alone.

You begin to smile at the thought of your old hive and think of goat dad. He'd be so proud right now, you're sure of it. If only he'd bothered with you. You remember all those nights you'd sit along the shore and wait for him. What a motherfucking waste of time. Why wait for somebody who'd never come when you could uncover your true potential? You could've been doing this sweeps ago, if only you hadn't been so weak.

You recall all of the pointless lengths you'd gone to just to have some love. The messy hive, starving yourself, being lazy, ingesting sopor: all for the sake of gaining goat dad's attention. Anyone's attention, actually. You'd just wanted someone to care about you and protect you from the cruelty of the world, but no. They made fun of you, belittled you, neglected you! Even the ones who claimed to care just went behind your back and LAUGHED ABOUT YOUR MIRTHFUL MOTHERFUCKING MESSIAHS!

"Oh, but they'll see…," you tell yourself, "THEY'LL ALL MOTHERFUCKING SEE NOW!"

You strike the door in front of you with your club and cackle as the door's sent flying from your force. You did that, nobody else. It was all YOU! It was always you! It was you they mocked and ignored, and now it was YOU that'd teach them how wrong they were to take advantage of the BASTARD CHILD THAT NO LUSUS WANTED! You don't need goat dad anyway. You never did!

You grin as you walk in the room, the blood from your facial scars dripping into your mouth. There appears to be many additional rooms within this one. How cute, they think they can HIDE FROM YOU!? Oh don't make you laugh!

"I'm here…," you greet with an eerie grin, "KNEEL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING SUBJUGGULATOR YOU WORTHLESS GUTTER BLOODS!"

You receive no response, which you'd expected. They wouldn't DARE say anything to you! They never did, not even when you started eating that toxic ooze! They just stood back and LET YOU POISON YOURSELF! But now it was your turn. You'd show them what real pain was, not that bullshit they felt in the past. You'd teach them to ignore you!

And that's when you hear it. It's faint, so faint you may have just imagined it, but there's a drop. You check around you to make sure it isn't from your clubs: it's not. There it is again! You jerk to face a cracked door leading into yet another dark room. Everything around here is so dark, you'll just have to ADD A LITTLE COLOR!

You sneer and stride to the door, ready to pummel the insolent troll who dared to defy you. Who dared to overlook you! Well, well, well Karkat… Who was the idiot now? The thought makes you smile, recollecting all the times your moirail insulted you. You'd have to make his death painless as a thank you for helping you become what you were today. If not for his scorn, you'd have never sought out help from everyone else. All the other wouldn't know you, which means they never would've avoided you, which means you never would've become what you were now.

Whoever this troll was: hiding in this room… You might have to reward them for unknowingly causing this. Yes, that sounds about right you think.

You open the door the rest of the way and access the room. It's just like all the others, except there's something different. You can't see it yet, but you can feel it, and it makes you frown. How dare they ruin your MOTHERFUCKING CHILL! And there it is again! That fucking drop from earlier and-

Oh no… Oh motherfuck no! This can't be, not him!

You run over to his side and drop your clubs, cradling his head in your arms. Oh please oh please oh please oh please fuck no!

"Wake up Tavbro…," you order with a steady voice, and then, "I TOLD YOU TO WAKE THE MOTHERFUCK UP! You shouldn't be sleeping when there are murderers on the loose… ESPECIALLY NOT WITH A LANCE THROUGH YOUR CHEST!"

Purple tears fall down your cheeks and mix with your blood as you start to shake. What… What have you done? You couldn't have done this, could you? You don't remember hurting him, but…

"I'm so sorry Tav… WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME!?" you battle with yourself, still holding onto his beautiful head, "You look so adorable right now… BUT I GUESS I WASN'T MOTHERFUCKING GOOD ENOUGH WAS I!?"

_No, you weren't._

"What the motherfuck did you just say…?" you stare into his eyes with a frown, "ANSWER ME LOW BLOOD!"

_I could never pity a monster like you._

"I'm not a monster… I'VE JUST FINALLY REACHED MY CALLING! And if you can't see that… THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO RID YOU OF THESE USELESS EYES!"

You dig your fingers into his eye sockets and rip the eyes out, revealing nothing but a shallow black hole where they're been. Brown blood gushes from the holes and onto your fingers, but you don't care. He couldn't see, so why would he need those blind eyes anymore?

_Do what you want, but I will never be yours._

"Oh really… I DON'T REMEMBER GIVING YOU A MOTHERFUCKING CHOICE TAVBABE!"

You rip his head from his shoulders and press your lips against his, forcing your tongue into his mouth. He kisses you back hesitantly, which makes you pull away and smile.

"I forgot you haven't all up and kissed anyone before… CAUSE WE DON'T NEED TO COUNT THAT SPIDER BITCH! Don't worry we can take things slow… WE HAVE ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IN THE WORLD!"

_Please just… Stop._

"Oh Tavros… YOU JUST DON'T MOTHERFUCKING GET IT BECAUSE EVEN IF I WANTED TO!" you pause, a fresh set of tears washing away the white face paint, "I can't stop, I just can't…"


End file.
